... you never know when it's going to bend you over and kick you in the nuts. Or something like that. Fuck it, I don't give a shit.
Ok... Most of you people reading this know me pretty well. You know that I am all about integrity. Honesty. Trust. They are very important things to me, things I value above almost everything else -- even cheese. So, why is it that I always seem to end up with people who pay lip service to these values, but don't practice them?
How does someone tell me that they are on the verge of falling in love with me one day, and then break up with me the next day after a disagreement? How can she tell me so many wonderful things that she loves about me, and how much she wants to see me, then tell me our relationship is over the very next day? Did I mention that it was less than 24 hours??? I am sure I read and heard the words "I'm not going anywhere" several times in the last week.
Yes, I can be pretty intense at times, but this is the real me. Take it or leave it. I am real, I don't play games, and I never pretend to be someone I am not. I am honest, I wear my heart on my sleeve, and you know what? Sometimes we will get into an argument. Sometimes we won't see eye to eye on things. It's called a relationship. They take work.
In hindsight, I see where the descent began... It was a week and a half ago, on Labor Day. There was this look in her eyes she had when I was leaving, like she was glad to see me go. We experienced a wonderful weekend together, quite blissful, then within a 30 minute period, I was practically pushed out the door to my 5 hour drive home. Next weekend, she didn't want to talk to me for 3 days straight ("stress"). Emails that used to come to me 10 a day trickled down to 1 or 2 per day. She told me NUMEROUS times that she thought I'd be happier with someone local. Why oh why didn't I read the signs? I suppose I did... I knew it was coming, and pretty much told her that I saw them. She denied them. She told me she wasn't going anywhere. I was being silly. She was just focused that day on Labor Day. She was tired. Stressed. Job had her down. Focused on her charities. Fuck... why can't anyone just come out and say "I don't see this relationship going anywhere?" Why lead me on?
Well. She was right. She didn't go anywhere. She stayed right where she was, and told me on the phone last night that she was done, and didn't want me to come around any more. No discussion. I get no say. Just like I got no say about when I could see her -- I had to fit into her schedule somehow. Just like I got no say about whether she was going to not call me for 3 days. "Sorry Michael, sucks for you... we're done, have a good life, go fuck yourself."
Just perfect.
My new resolutions:
1. Stick with a local woman.
2. Find someone who doesn't have to fit you in to a schedule a soccer mom/girlscout leader would cringe at.
3. Date women who actually know how to feel passion, and who aren't afraid of a man in touch with his emotions.
4. Find someone who believes that trust, honesty, communication, and respect actually mean something.
Failing that, I'll join a monastery. At least there I won't have to deal with communication issues.
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